Unfortunately, the automatic assumption when you’re married and spotted on a dating site is that you’re having an affair. There’s an unspoken stigma that follows polyamorous couples, mostly due to the fact that those involved in monogamy simply don’t understand the concept, but many carry an innate curiosity nonetheless.
Controversial descriptors such as “unicorn hunters” (indicating a search for a third to engage in sex) is merely one reason couples sign on to dating sites as a team, but there are also some who join for friendship, or other varying degrees of emotional needs.
Some websites are open to the concept of people joining in a couple’s capacity, but there are some that outwardly refuse married people from their platforms. They refer them instead to affair sites, which does not coincide with the couple’s objectives. Follow for tips on how to use “swinger“ websites for couples.
Dating Dos And Don’ts As A Couple
When you’re in a polyamorous, open or perhaps swinging, kind of scene, there’s a certain decorum that comes with that as far as your primary marriage is concerned. When you go on dating sites, depending on how you present yourselves, times might present themselves where one of you has a date and the other doesn’t.
If you strictly participate as a couple looking for a third or even another couple, it’s wise to talk through the challenges that will likely present themselves. Traditional relationships have their own set of difficulties. But when you add the complexity of polyamory to the mix, managing a romantic relationship complete with trust, intimacy, and communication, takes honest effort. Find out the way to maintain a healthy marriage so that you’re ready to move on to poly at https://www.apa.org/topics/healthy-relationships#.
- Don’t force people to fit your mold : You may find someone, or a couple, with whom you have a lot in common according to their profiles. But because you are an established couple with your relationship shaped in the way that you want it, you may expect these people to come in and fit into that mold.
Everyone is unique and has their own thoughts and what they expect when it comes to forming a bond. Attempting to dictate how things should go will likely fail. It’s important to respect each other and allow for everyone’s voice to be heard as opposed to trying to force something that’s just not natural for all involved.
- Be understanding : If you’re in an open relationship and your partner finds an online match, you need to be understanding of the fact that your needs will be separate from those of the other person. There should never be a situation where you compare what you receive to what that person is receiving.
The two relationships are separate and unique from each other with each person having different wants and desires. Your happiness should be based on personal fulfillment instead of equating gains. It’s not supposed to be a competition.
If you were the one with another partner, you would expect no less from your partner than maturity and respect, and this is how you should behave considering you must have agreed to this type of relationship.
- Open communication is essential : Reaching out to a partner can be difficult when there is a problem. Sometimes for minor issues, it seems easier to let it go until the problem gets significant. When someone you love is causing you pain or not meeting the needs that you have, you must speak with them despite the emotional risk that comes with that. Open communication is essential for the health of a marriage even if the problem is small. It’s better to address it before it’s gotten unbearable. The more comfortable you begin to feel in speaking up about issues, the more you’ll grow closer as a couple and in intimacy.
It’s not a good idea to get involved in a dating website for couples if your marriage is rocky. If you have the mindset that this is in some way going to mend the problems that you’re having, it won’t. For people who are in a good situation, it can prove to be rewarding and enhance their situation. But it can also make the things that are wrong in a relationship much more pronounced.
The person being brought into a predicament like that will end up being put in the middle of the circumstances, which is genuinely unfair to that person or person(s).
That can lead to more problems for your marriage and resultant problems for the couple or the individual that you invite in.
Likewise, the person being invited needs to look at the marriage to see what kind of shape it’s in before agreeing to join in, see how they communicate with each other, how well they solve problems together, what problems exist and how they might be affected.
Final Thought
Polyamory, open marriage, swingers, “unicorn hunters,” or merely friends, some couples choose to go on dating sites as a ‘team’ in search of other couples or a third party in order to maybe spice things up for their sex life, add a layer of intimacy to their marriage, or in an effort to meet new people.
There comes with that a need to have a certain level of maturity in your marriage so that, regardless of how the new person fits into your lives, you can all handle the progression with respect and dignity.
